Love & Marriage

When I was a young girl, I did like most girls who dream of being married.  Each boyfriend I dated, I would write my name with his last name to see how it would look (as if how my name looked could decide if he was my husband LOL).  As I got older and experienced life and relationships more, I changed my view of love and marriage.  I believed in the idea of marriage. My issue was finding a man I trusted who believed in it too.  I didn't want to think about marriage until I was so close to 30 that it would scare me. I guess I spoke my fate into existence because I will be married at the age of 29.

I dated really good guys who were good to me, but I felt something was missing. I dated guys who weren't honest about their true intentions and who lied and cheated on me.  After each relationship I took the time to understand what exactly happened to cause it to end.  From there, I looked at MY hand in the demise of the relationship. I've learned that I could only be better for the next person.

I had one relationship in particular that had a rough ending for me. It threw me for a loop. I had to find a way to get myself together.  I did that by getting my priorities together and taking time for myself.  I continued to stay active in church and I deepened my relationship with God.  I moved into my first apartment and all  I had was me. I honestly loved it. I had the freedom to what I wanted. I spent time with myself. I took time away from dating and fell in love with myself. I learned what I wanted from my next relationship.  Eventually I started to date again, but it was easy to let them go when things were not right because I knew the guys were not what I needed.  I did not look for the guys just to fill a lonely void with something physical. I kept busy, and dated myself.  Hung out with my friends and stay involved with church.   

The first conversation I had over the phone with my fiance Nygel lasted until the sun came up.  It was the best conversation of my life.  I enjoyed my time with him.  He really became my best friend.  The problem was I was afraid to commit to him because of some personal things of my past.  He was strong, caring and I felt safe with him.  I took a chance and it was the best choice of my life.  Now I seriously look forward to marriage. We are a team and I would not rather have anyone else by my side.  He does not complete me.  I am already whole. He compliments my life in the best way where I may be lacking and add to the good things I already have. 

For those who are still looking for their Mr. or Mrs.. I can only tell you a few things of what worked for me: 

• Understand yourself and what you need.
• Find your best friend.
• It its OK to make mistakes as long as you learn and move forward
• Spend time with yourself and be alone.
• Learn to love yourself.
• Don't keep the old around because you don't make space for the new.
• Don't look for someone to occupy your time if they are not worthy.
• Do not have someone around just for the physical. Make way for the one God has for you.
• Get to know God and his love.
• Learn to trust and step out on faith.
• Don't bring your past into your present or future if it does not positively influence it.